my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize