I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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