Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We're too hungover to prance.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
