i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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