i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
