I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
