i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
