Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
