Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
