Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
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Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
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I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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