It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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