she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
