...so i touched it.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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