All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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