Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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