I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize