Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We need to rekindle our bromance
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
