His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
