sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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