I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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