shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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