after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
