I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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