What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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