My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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