Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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