Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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