I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
