I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i dont even know how to be here
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
