I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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