1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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