Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
