I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
