New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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