She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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