My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
