I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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