capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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