He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
