i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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