With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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