He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
