We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
