dude i'm inner monologue high
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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