How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
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i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
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So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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