she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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