Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
