His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
