sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Randomize
