i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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