U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
