yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
