I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
