Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
