ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
