Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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