...so i touched it.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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