Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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