Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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