Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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