I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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