so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
