Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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