you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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