i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
