so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
