Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
