true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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