Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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