is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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