Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
