Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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