I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
