Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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