no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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