Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
