u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
