Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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