So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i out mim tonsoeep
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
