So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
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i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm just crazy horny about you
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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