Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
